it feels like so long since i've been in this place. i'm crying every night and shivering and shaking under two comforters. i am hungry but have no appetite; i dont know what to do with myself. i feel like i give and give and get nothing in return. he didn't call to say his computer was broke and he wouldn't be onine, so i am crying. i have been crying since i came home. i am tired of crying and i am tired of missing him and i just want to be able to spend some time with him. i hate his mom for grounding him and taking him away from me.
my wisdom teeth come out next monday, day after christmas. great gift, huh? by that time it will have been five days since i saw paul and i will be falling apart. there are good chances i will overdose on the vicodin i already have the prescription for in useless attempts to get rid of the burden of missing people. i'm always missing someone. i miss paul, at his house, seemingly content with watching tv all afternoon while his girlfriend misses him hopelessly at home.
i want to call him and cry to him and have him listen but i can't because i am afraid his mom will eventually remind me that he is grounded and cut off my calling priveliges. scott was texting with me and he lost interest. i finally told off one of the friends that went to dinner without me when we could have eaten here, so they have lost interest. no one cares if your heart is breaking if you're not being nice about it- and i am definitely not fun to be around when i am like this.
someone leave me love.